250 days left`
by apollo stanfield
"250 days left"
here we are again. i'm writing this inside a coffee shop, thinking about how many fucking days i've wasted instead of making the short film i've always wanted to do. i will be honest with everyone when i say that i don't find writing a story to be as amusing as it seems. not because i don't want to write, but because i don't like what i'm writing. and now, i feel like i'm just always making excuses about it. anyway...
today is the day i've decided i need to finish this, giving myself a ticking time bomb to finish a short film i've always wanted to make but am tired of talking about. and honestly, i hate that talking about it now makes me feel like it's impossible to finish this blog, and i'm really tired of it... y'know what,
forget all the bullshit i just said...
this pressure is the exact pressure i felt when i started writing this story i wanted to tell. the pressure that the film i want to make needs to be perfect—a short film that everyone will see, and it's about me. would they understand me, or will they say mean shit about me? we don't know, but that's how i feel...
actually, the reason why i stopped submitting my hard-written script is because i'm scared. i'm scared that maybe i'll make a film using filipino people's taxes that, at its worst, is just me yapping about my life issues. i don't think their money deserves to be used on this kind of story, but maybe i'm just overthinking it...
maybe i am overthinking everything...
i don't know what i'm doing with my life right now. i feel like i'm 23 and wasting everything. maybe i just need a little push. just a little push.
date posted: 04/26/2026